From the outside, it may look like you have the perfect marriage. Many of your social acquaintances wonder why you want to divorce such a wonderful spouse.
What they don’t realize is that you’re married to a narcissist.
The narcissistic traits
Divorce is already a difficult undertaking and divorcing a partner with narcissistic traits adds layers of complexity that can be both psychologically and emotionally taxing. They can transform a straightforward divorce into a complicated ordeal with the following:
- Using manipulation techniques such as deceit, charm or intimidation to sway outcomes in their favor. In court, they may distort facts or play the victim.
- A lack of empathy means they may not understand or care about their actions’ emotional and financial impact on their partner and children.
- Attempting to control every aspect of the divorce, from financial settlements to child custody arrangements. This can lead to power struggles that prolong the divorce process.
- File excessive motions, ignore court orders or use the children as pawns to manipulate their partner emotionally.
- Outside of the courtroom, they may attempt to alienate mutual friends and family, leaving the other partner isolated and unsupported.
Despite these challenges, there are strategies you can employ when divorcing a narcissist:
1. Gaslighting is a favorite technique of narcissists. Therefore, maintain thorough records of all interactions, agreements, and incidents. They may prove valuable in court to counteract false claims and manipulative tactics.
2. Define and enforce boundaries. Limit communication to written forms, like emails or texts, to reduce the risk of manipulation and to maintain a record of interactions.
3. Most importantly, surround yourself with family and friends who understand your situation and can offer support and assistance.
You will also want to work with someone who can advocate for you in court. They can anticipate a narcissist’s tactics and strategize accordingly.
